


FIER EBLAM TREE HOUSES: THE LIBREAL AGANDA

by ConcertativFanfecton



Series: Fir Emblem The Librul Agender Saga [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Christianity, F/F, F/M, Government Conspiracy, Gun Violence, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Internalized Homophobia, Islamophobia, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Politics, Racism, Satire, Suicide, Transphobia, conversion therapy, everyone is conservative, trollfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:47:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 9,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23473444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConcertativFanfecton/pseuds/ConcertativFanfecton
Summary: Boylith lerns about God and he and his Christan frends Dimeatri, Edalgrud, and Clod go to PraggerU to spred Cristianity and Concertatism! But Amrica is cuntrolled by evul libruls and they knead to defeet them! Wil Edgeguard becum precedent or wil the librul comanists win?
Series: Fir Emblem The Librul Agender Saga [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688677
Comments: 3
Kudos: 1





	1. BLYETH MEAT GOD

**Author's Note:**

> High! My nam is Michael Churchill. Im 14 yeers old and Im a convertative and i luv God and Juices and the Bibble and Tromp and I hat libruls. I hoap you lick my storry!

My naem is Bileth. Im a firm suporter of my contry and my president, Donal Trump. But for moist of my life, everything felt dul, until one day evrything changed. 

It was back in 2024 (this story is set in 2024). I had just gratuated hi school but all the collages in my area were infested with liberals, so I didnt aply to any (my dad Gerald suported my choise cause he hates libruls too) so I had no idea what to do with my life. I was sleeping one night and I had a dream. An Oldman discended from the heavens.  
“Hello my child, I am god.” he said  
“Cool!” I said “I didnt know you were real god?” I said  
"Thats because you were razed to be an atheist. Thats a sin and you must save your dad by convencing him to become a christan. Otherwise he will go to Hall when he dies.” said God.  
"But how can I make him a Christan when I dont know anything about religon?" I said. Then god pulled out a book and opened it. A lotta light came out of it and i was instancely given full knowledge of the Bible.  
“Now go my child, spread the word of the lord! If you ever need help, prey to me. You are destinied for greatnis” said God. And then I woke up.

“Hay dad, have you ever heard of christanity?” I said to my dad during brekfast. Dad looked surprised for a second.  
“Uhhh... I dont belief in God. Weave been over this."  
“Well its real!” i said, then told him all about the Bibble and my dream.  
“Thats just a ferry tail” he said in his south accent. “I dont belief in that stuff no more”

Latter that day the doorbel ringed. I answered it and saw three peeple standing outsid. There was a girl with white hair waring red and black, a bland guy wearing blue, and a black guy wearing yello.  
“My name is Clawed, these are Egelgard and Dimmadome.” said the black guy “we're from the Denis Pragger Universetty of Conservantism and Christianity”  
“Woah that sounds awesome” i said “those are two of my favorit things!” I noticed that Clod was also realy hansom.  
"Is this rely the guy we're looking for? He died his hair blue like a gay libero. He cant be the one Reha wants." said Dimetri. I was mad caus he was incinerating that I was gay.  
“Its my natural color! I dont know why its blue it just is!” I said.  
“Okay then. Whats your nam?" he axed.  
"I'm Boyleth. Last knight I met God in a dreem."  
Then dad came to the door.  
“So you guys ar from a school that teches Christanity?” said dad  
“Yeah." we all said in onison.  
"You cant go to a school that teeches Christian stuff. Relgion is a tool used to control stuped people. Even tho a lot of us right wangers are christian doesnt make it relevant in the modern age." said Dad.  
"Well we also teech Consorvative values. Wear one of the only collages in Amercia that isnt run by the libs and socialists” said Edgeguard.  
“Can I go to Prager U dad?” I sed.  
“Alright fine. Edgecation is impotent and im glad that youve found a collage thats good for you.” he said

Suddenly a hellocoptor landed in the driveway. A guy dressed in an army unicorn appeared. The uniform had a cross on it.  
"Alouise?" dad said. It was Alouise, dad’s friend from the army during the war in the Middle Eats against Sodom Insane 20 years ago! We all got in the hellicopter and flew to Wankington CD (which is where Prager U is.)

Along the way I found out that dad was a christen but became an antiest for some raisin. Alios became a chrischan because dad converted him. He was disappointed when he found out that dads a heretic now. I also learned that Dimete is a dissendant of Gorge Wastington, Edgeguard is a dissendant of Abhorham Linkin, and Cloud is the great grandson of Ronald Raygun (hes part black part white and thats how hes related to Reigen, whos on the white side of his family). Its awesome that my new friends are all descentants of some of the greatest conversatives in history!

“Were here” said Aluis and we got out at Washingnot. There was a big church. “Thats the Vactician, it used to be in Ittly but they moved because Italy is in Europ and Europ got taken over by Muslums, also the new Pope doesnt know Spanish so no one there understood her so we moved it to Amereku”  
Then someone wearing fancy robs came over to me. I could tell instantly from her pope hat and cross staff that she was the Poop!

TO BE CONTITUED


	2. PRAGER UNIVERSE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this universe Rea is the Pope instead of Poop Frances (i guess he doesnt exist in this world). She used her influenza as Popo to make Pragger U into a reel college. Also as a disclammer I'm not cathlic so my potrayal of the pope might be unaccurate (me and my family are protastint). The poep and vatacan stuff is just here cause they're like Rhae and the church in tha game.
> 
> Also why does the tag for Fired Emblim Thee Horses say "Fuckasexagetso"? I guess thats the Asian name for the game but I dont speech Asian.

“Hello, I am Pop Reah. Your Billith right?” she said  
“Yeah”  
“God told me all about you. He wants you to teach at Prager Urinersity.”  
“Wait a secant Reha” said an other guy with green hair like hers. “Who is this randum person and why do you want him to be a professior?”  
“God has big planes for him.” said Hera. “Just have faith”  
“Ugg, okay then. I am Seth, the vise pop"

Then Seth’s sister Flan showed me around the Vaccine. She showed me the statues of the fonders of the school: Denny’s Pranker, Bean Shapero, Mild Yiannapolio (idk how to spell his name), and Pale Josef Watsan. They traveled back in time to kill Car Marks (the guy who invented communism) before he could write the Commuist Manga Pesto. But then they never came back. The statues were erect in their honor.

Then we crossed a bridg that led to PragerU. It started as a humble youtube channel that just wanted to spread the truth, but it was attacked by the libruls who controlled Youtube. When Reeha became the poop and the Vantican moved to America, she used her money to turn it into a real collage. She also helped them win all their lawsuits and expose the librul bias in youtube. Then they replaced the head of youtube Susan Wojack with the best youtuber of all: PuKeyPie.

“You half to pick a house to lead” said Reah.  
“Let me think about it” i said. I didn’t no witch one to choose! So i prayed to God. “God, which house should i side with?”  
“How about you spend a day with each house?” he said. That was a good idea! So I chose the Blue Lyin’s first.

“Howdy!” said Dimeatri when i went into his classrome. He was twerking out with Dadue and Feelix. Ingrid was feeting her hoarse hey and Cilantro was flurting with a girl. Mercury was praying while Aunt was singing Gods Not Dad by the Nooseboys.  
“My God’s not dad, he sure is alive, he’s livid on the inside, roring like a lion” (get it because blue lines?)

Then i taut them a bible studies lesion. I taught them the story of Genius since its the first book and its the first day.  
"God curated the Earth SIX THOUSAND YEARS AGO! Not a gazillion like the liberals say." Everyone cheered because i was right. They were glad to finally have a teecher who was allowed to say the truth!  
"This new techer is rely smart unlike that evilutionist Handyman" said Sylvan.

The next day i was with the black peoples. Edelbard was reading Twelve Rools for Life by Jorgen Penison. Hugert and Furrynand were having a plitical discussion. Lintart was sleeping and Catbar was playing a video game. Perta was reading a spanish to engrish dicktonary and Dorathy was helping her learn. Petar is a LEGAL ingrate not an illeagle one, Pegger U doesnt allow illegle immigrints in.  
I gave the Block Eagles a bible lesson on the ten commencements. I showed them a video called the Tin Comandits Rap. (heres the link) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0QTHEOIr44

I spent the thurd day with the golem deer. When i went in the classroom Lurens was putting on makup (i wiped it off cause boys shuldnt wear mudkip), Ingots and Marijuana were preying to god, Hidla and Lispia were talking about girl things and Raffle and Loonie were watching Fox News.  
"Wheres Clod?" I asked Hulda because she is friends with Clud  
"Hes talking to professor Honeyman" she said. That was the guy who beliefs in evoltron. I went to check it out.  
"Clawd, i am going to give you an F on your test because you said the earth was cratered by god and not the Bug Bang!" said Hanuman.  
"But God israel! Facts donut care about your feelings!" said Cod.  
"Then how cum no one has ever scene him?" Said Handyman.  
"I HAVE!" i said.  
"Lol ur lion. No ones seen God cause he doesn't exist!" he said  
"No in not. Christians never lie. Its in the Tan Commandments." I said.  
Hangman was so triggered by my facts and logic that he walked away.  
"Typical liberal collage professor. Why is he even here?" said Cloud. I agreed.  
Then class began. We talked about the story of Sodom and Gamora, and how much it relates to how the world is today with the Gay BLT movement.

The next day was the Seteth so everyone had the day off. I went to Sabbaths office.  
"Hey Seth, can I ask you a questin? Why is Handyman a professor at Prague U when hes a hardcore atheist liberal? Doesnt he go against our school's values?  
"When Pragger U started, the entire staff was conservative. Then the liberals tried to get the school shut down if we removed that rule. We realized they were trying to let spies in Pogger U so we compromised to add a different liberal prifessor who we knew couldn't betray us. Happyman had recently been cancelled on Twatter for having one tweet back in 2008 where he made a plitically incerect joke about gay people. They acted like he had comitted treason and the leftists turned on him. So we took him in since he has no where else to go, and hiring him wold shut the liberals up while simultaniously trolling them." Setith explanned.  
Even thou Hammerman is a librel jerk his story was really sad. The leftits are so evil they will turn against each other just to elevate themselves.  
"Well Bilith, have you chosen your class yet?"  
I didnt know which one to chews so i thot about it for a minute. Then i finally decided.  
"I choose…."

TO BE CONTINUDE


	3. THE MUCK BATTLE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a quote that cums from this really good auntie-gay video that my dad showed me called Buoys Bewear. Its from 1961 but its on YouTub somehow (witch is weird cause the internet wasn't a thing back then). It describes homesexualty really well. Hears the lank  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTn7ALbLYPI

"I choose... ALL THREE HOUSES!!!" I said.  
"Builth you ridiculus dunce! You arent supposed to do that!" said Sadeth. Then Raya walked in.  
"I'll allow it!' she said. Then I high fived her. We decided the three houses would all remain seperate but I would lead all of them. 

"But there's a little problem." said the pape. "Your first mishin is supposed to be a mach battle between the houses so you'll still need to choose a house to train with." I picked the Boo Lions.  
I taught my class to use swords and weapons and magic (not satanic hairy potter magic, god lets us holy magic in this universe). 

Then one day Dametri and Mercede came to talk to me after class.

"Professor, Mercury is sick. A sickens that is not visable like smolpox, but no less dangerous and cuntagus. A sicknis of the mind. You see, Marcedes is a homesexual, a person who demands an intimate relationship with memers of their one sex.”  
"Oh no!" i said.  
I was shocked to hear that a good christen girl could be gay! I felt sorry for her. For a second I considered having her kept away from the other girls, but remembered that Christians who suffer from same sex attraction can control their urges and arent dangerous. But we still needed to help her.  
"I prey every day to be cured of my hummusexuality, but its not working. I need to go to conversation therapy, but the liberals made it illegal!" she said.  
Then suddenly Hairyman walked in!  
"Contortion therapy doesn't work! Being gay is totally natural! You can't change someone's sexuality!" he said.  
"Why?" I asked him  
"Because it's boyology." said Hanuman smugly.  
"But you guys also think people can change their gender. That's not biology." said Dimitree. Hammyman got triggered again and left.  
"We'll start a conversion therapy program the day after tomorrow, we dont have time tomorrow cause it's the mocha battle." I said.  
"Thank you professor! I can't weight!" said Marsedes.

The next day was the mock battle. I was leading the Blue Lyins, Handycan was leading the Black Beagles, and another teacher named Mandela was leading the Gold Deer. Manella was dressed really sexily and her cleveland was showing. Rhea and Seth and Flen showed up to watch the battle but they were shocked when they saw Manilla's outfit. Seth covered Flame's eyes.

"Hey you can't dress like a harlet here! We have a dress cod!" said Setits. "You're gonna turn Flank lesbun if she's exposed to stuff like that in her formative years!" Then Rhea walked over to her and put her in a nun robe.

"If you had worn that when I was younger I would have been a tractor to you because I used to be a lesban until I went to conversation therpy." said Reea. "Now I'm 1000% STRAIGHT, and I'm the pope! That's proof that cumversion theory works!"  
Thea's words triggered Handyman again. Then the battle began.

Me and the blue lions runned through the field and then we ran into Clod and company. They were all in one of those big bushy areas that makes you harder to hit in the game. So Anett prayed to god to burn down the bush like in the story of Mosis in the book of Exidus. The entire Golden Dear class got set on fire and was defeated.  
"So this is the power of God..." I said to myself, impressed at what praying to Him can do.

Then we went up against Hempman and the Black Egos. I charged towards Handy Dan, dodging attacks from all the others, but Ferbinand hit me with his lance.  
"I am Fordinand van Ire" he said. He tried to finish me off but Dodo through an axe at him and then Mersadies cast a spell to heal me.  
"Thank you. I promise to cure your homoactuality." i said to her.

Eggohard and Drumiti were fighting. They were going all out on each other. I prayed for Dimetro to win, then I went to fight Hankieman.  
"You conservative morons will never win against us demoncats!" yelled Handleman. Then he shot lightning bolts at me.  
"But Handyman, our magic comes from God, so how are you using it if you don't believe in Him?"  
"Well uhh... theres definitely some sort of scientific exponation for it..." While Hangman was trying to think of an excuse I ran over to him and nocked him out with my sword. I saw that Dimater had beaten Eddlegard too.

"The winner is... THE BOOB LIONS!" said the Poop. Everyone apploded me and the others.

TOBY CONTINUED!


	4. CONVERSATION THERPY

The day after the mack battle, me and the priests and bisharps of the Vaccination started setting up a contortion therapey center. We put up posters around Prankster U that advertized it. They said “if you struggle with same sex attraction, come to convection theory.”

Mermadies, Linkhard, and Dorphea shown up to thorapy. So did Lois, and Annet's dad Gogurt, whose one of the Knights of Jesus.  
Before it started everyone got tested by Reha casting a holey spell that can test people for gayness. The five people who came tested positive for homosexality but she could tell i was straight as an aro. We couldnt test Hedelgard caus she had left to meet with President Tramp (she is running for president in the 2024 electrician since Thump's SECOND term is about to end and he is endorsing her. TROMP WILL GET RE ELECTED, MARK MY WORMS, LIBTURDS!!!). But theres zero persent chance of her being a leslian caus shes dating Pubert.

The first phrase of condition therapy was electric shocks. They got showed gay imagery and then got shocked. Then they were showed straight stuff and were not shocked.  
Then the gay guys throw away their drag cloths and makup and they soled their musical tickets and the lesiban girls throwed away their scizors (I've heard people say they do something with sissors but I dont know what they do with them, nohr do I want to know).  
Finally, all the bois got girfriends and the girls got boyfriends. Merbabies stated dating Dadue, Limpfart starded dating Burndata, Gilbret remarried his wife (he left his family to start a gay lifestyle but now he is straight again so their back together), and Dorkothea started dating me. We went on a date at Chick-filla and then we watched a movie together. We kissed during it because we are straight.

The concussion therapy was a grate success and everyone had become straight after just a week in therapy. Combination therapy was decriminalized since we proved that it works. Suddenly a limesine pulled up to Prague U and the Vise Precedant My Penis came out of it!  
“Im hear to congraduate you all on what yo've done. Parger U has restored my faith in the American collage system." he said. "Unfortunately, we don't have time to talk right now. Theres an Antitha rally going on, and everyone is in dancer! And they're after the precedent for making cumversion therapy legal!!!”

Everyone gasped. We had to stop them!

TO BE CUNTINYOU!


	5. SAVE DOMALD TRAMP!

Me and all the students and knights rushed to the hellacopters and flew to where the destrcution was. We could see all of Waspington CD from the sky. Most of the city was on fire, and everyone was ejaculating to escape the Anita mob. I looked through some binockulars and saw that they were braking widows of all the buildings. They were marching down the street like a bunch of Nutsies (proof that Antiqua are the real fashists). But they were only a few blocks away from the White House! They had blocked all the exits so Trunk couldn't escape.

"Oh no! Amplegard must be in there too!" said Limbheart.  
"She will be fine. I know it." said Herbert.

By the time we got to the Wide House, Aunt Tifa had surronded the place.  
"Impeach Trump again! Put him in a peach! Put him in a peach!" they chanted. They were throwing milkshakes filled with cement at the secrete service members and hitting them with batball bats. 

I pulled out a megaphone and shouted "Hey Entita, if you like combonism so much, why not move to Vuvuzuela?" All the Antifa members looked around at each other.  
"Hey, that's actually a good idea. Instead of taking over America, we can just move to a place thats already comanist!" they said. So we all got out of the helicopters and all the Anita members got in and flew away to Sothe America.

Then Dongald Turnip came out of the white house once it was safe for him to leave. I was so excited to finally meat my hero. I climbed over the gate and ran over to shake his hand.  
"Thank you so much for saving me from those thugs. THEY CLAIM to be anti fashionist, but they're the ones who are fashionists." said Dump. He gave me the metal of honor and declared me a national hero.

Suddenly we noticed that there was one commanist left. He was wearing a suit of armor and had a mask. Everyone drew their weapons but he wasn't fazed.  
"You guys are good," said the mysterius man. "But you can't stop us that easilly. This cuntry will soon bow to me, the Flambe Emprorer!"  
Everyone charged at the masked man but he telepathied away. 

Meanwhile in Venezia, the Antifa membranes landed in the middle of a city. All the comanist drug cartles immediately mugged and murdered them.

TO BE COMPETENT


	6. THE TRANS LIBERAL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I wrote this back in like December when they were trying to impeach Trunk. My gramer wasn't as good as it was back then but I didn't feel like fixing this authors note)
> 
> Im so mad. In clas i taked aboat how Tramp sholdnt get put in a peech caus thats cool and anusual punushmunt and this tansgender librul named Lilly in my class sed that theres noting rong with it caus its how they punush the pheasident if he dose sumting wong and that she hops he gets inpeached. I told "her" to go cut her dik of and i got dutention for it! WTF! Transes like to cut there dics off how is that evan a bad thing to say to one? This is cleerly just a weigh for them to silens me becaus im a conversative. CUMSERVANTIVS AR MORE APPRESSED THAN BLT PEOPLE!!!!!

The next day class cuntinued as normal. Before my class with the Black Aglets Edeltard apollogized to me.  
"I'm sorry I wasn't there to fight Antofu with you. I was bussy giving speeches for my champagne. It was very impotent." said Anklebard.  
"That's okay. We need to beat the libs in this erection. Most of their candidats are older than dirt so they'll all retire if they lose. Then in 2028 you'll barley have any competiton" I said.  
Ableguard laughed. "I dont think thats how it works but I get where you're coming from."

That afternoon me and Dothorea had tea time. We kissed cause we're both straight. She gave me tickets to a concert for a Chistian rock band called the Jesis Freeks.

A few days latter I went to the concert. We had frunt row seets next to eech other. I wated for a few minutes but she didn't show up. I texted her right before it starded, but she didn't anser. Suddenly the band got on stag and I reelized why she wasn't answering; she was the LEED SINGER!

"I dedicat this song to you, Bileth!" she said. Then she sang a bunch of really great songs. Suddenly I had a vision from God!

"Buyleth, the liberals are trying to cancel you!" said God.  
"Oh no!" I screemd. God showed me a visoin of some trans liberals getting on stage and provoking Dorathea, then us beating the transes up. Then we get cancelled on Twitter by the liberals for committing a "hat crime".

I needed to stop them before they could cancel us. I over to the trains liberals who were lurking backstage, then beat them up while no one could see. I interragatored the leader of them.  
"How did you know our plan?" said the trans.  
"WHO SENT YOU?" I screamed at "her".  
"Hail Aunt Tifa! Hail Karl Marth! Hail Lemon and Stalling!" he said. He took out a bottle of hormoan pills and took one. I didn't stop him cause he deserves to have his body get messed up. And besids, its not like their cyaneyed pills or anything.  
But suddenly the trans died! They WERE SAYONARA PILLS AFTER AL! I shouldh have seen thsi cumming, transes always kill themselfs. The others had taken the pills too. I prayed to god to make the bodies disappeer so I wouldnt get frammed for merder.

The liberls may have failed at runing my life, but they sure did ruined my date.

TO BE CONTAIGOUS


	7. ASHES SICKRAT

It was a beautyful day at Prager U. Me and Ash were praying together. Suddenly we heard a loud roring sound. We ran outside and saw CHARETARD FROM POLKAMON flying around!!!

"DEATH TO AMERICA" said Charizard. He breathed fire at us but Ash pulled a Pocket Ball out of his pocket and imprisoned him before he could cause any damage.  
"How do you have a Pokey Ball?" I said.  
"Its time I told you my secret" said Bash. "I am actually.. ASS KETCHUP FROM PUNKEMON."  
I gasp. "But Polemon is liberal evaluation poopaganda that the Chinese and North Karen guvornmints made to branwash kids into becoming comunists!" i said.  
"That was a long time ago. When I was a kid, my family became very pore because of Obamba causing the sock market crash. So my parents auditioned me to become a chilled actor. King Jongun of North Karea had just executed the actor of Ash Catchthem, so they got me to replace him. I spent a couple years as Ash but I reelized that it was wrong to be a conunist so I escaped. They had to replace me with a clon and I got plastic sugary to look diferent." (AN: yeah i know Mokemon is a cartoon but in this world its live actoin and the Nord Koreans made real Pokomon)

Suddenly Aesh got a phone call. "We need to get to the harbor right now. Get the others" he said. So everyone went to the harbor and saw that THE ENTIRE ASAN MILITARY WAS THERE!!! And KIM JOG ONE WAS LEADING THEM!!!  
"Knee how" (hello in Asain) he said. "Most of you Americans dont know this but I actually invented Poopymon. We've come to take back Ash. The clone isn't as good as the original and ratings for Polymon are dropping. It's hurting our economy."  
"I'm not going back! You're promoting comminism and deval warship!" said Ass.  
"Then you will dye!" said the dicktater. He sent out every Popemon in existance to fight us. Not only would we have to fight them all but we would also be fighting Comicazi planes and ninjas and samurais. And all the Dragon Ball Z villains!!! This was a fight we couldnt win.

"Not so fast" someone said. It was NATCH, creator of Minceraft! He is also a convertative. The libruls canselled him and now they're claiming that some trans anime girl named Hatsuni Mike is the real creator of Minedaft cause liborils are dumb and think anime is real.

Noch put on the Infamy Gauntlet and he snailed his fingers. Half of the Pukeymon and his army turnd to dust.  
"NOOOOOOO!" Screamed Kim Jimin. Then all the Pukemon fans in the world showed up.  
"You got rid of half the Pokemon! We hate you!" they said to Kim Jango. They beet the shit out of him and his army retreated. We locked him up in prison and saved Aisa from socilism!

Everyone cheered. But then we realized Natch had died from using the Unfunny Cauntlet!  
"We won Mr. Nock." Ash said. Nudge smiled and then dead.  
Everyone went to Nacho's funeral. The women cried but us mans didn't cause men don't cry. Suddenly some transistors showed up and danced on his grave!  
"Rest in pieces transphobe!" they said.  
"hey tannies! There's only two jenners!" I said. They got triggered so hard they turned to dust too.

TWO BEE CAT IN YOU


	8. THE CULTRAL MAXISTS ATTACK!

After King Jimin was inprisoned, me, Edelard and Hunkert went to his cell to interrorgate him. At fist he wouldent talk but after Humbert used magdick to tortere him he craked.  
“One of my closet allys is this misterious guy called the Flake Empurer. He is the liter of Antofu and he plans to destory Amerca. He says that he is gonna send Antita memers and clitoral marxits to assassinate the Pube tonite." said King Kong Un.  
I gasped. “We need to stap them!”

For the rest of the day me and the Balk Eagles prepared for the asasination. We warned the Pop about it and took her to the deepist area of the Vatcan. It was a tomb where Jizzus was berried.  
Suddenly the door was kicked down. Antifat goons broke into the toom! Butt they couldnt find the Pope. We had lured them here and then she prayed to God to teleport her away to safely. We had trapped the Anita thugs!

I used my glonk to shot at the clitoral marxists, and Eggogarb used her acts. Hoover used maddick and Fergienad of Ire used a salt rifle. Cancer pinched them with his gauntlets and Longheart heeled us wen we were hurt. Donuthea shat lighting at them, Peter hit them with her chonkleta (because shes Maxican), and Bornabetta hid in on of the coughins. Soon we had beet most of them. We reelized two of them were the boses of the gang so we went after them. Edgeguard attacked one of them who seemed to be a women but she was beeten easily.  
“How are you so strang?” she said.  
“Because i have MALE BONE DESTINY!” "she" said. She ripped of her mask and reveled she was CONGAPOINTS! Contraband is a trangender YouTubber who this trammie in my class named Liley watches. Lily keeps sending me "her" videos when I speak the truth but I refuse. Shes just trying to branwash me into becoming a SJW.  
“You have an unfairy advantage!” I said. “Yoru a men so you can't run around beeting up womans!”  
“Shut up biggot! I'm a WOMBAN!” she said.  
"Yeah you bluddy transfobe respect trans rites or die!" said the other boss. He took his mask of too and revealed he was HBONERGUY! Thats another SJU youtuber that Lilay watches. He pulled out a pipe bomb and through it at me (cause hes bomber guy). I prayed to God to surviv and I got off with miner injuries. But it had distracted me cause they were trying to get to Jesus's coffin!

"If we steel Jesas's corps we can become powerfull enough to take over Amerita and make it an anorchist commanist sosalist globulist librul nation where we will throw peeple in Goolags for misgendering transgondors!" said Condopoints.  
"And we can do the bluddy same thing to jolly old Englend!" said HomberGuy. "And then the hole world!"  
They opened the coughin and me and the others tried to stop them but the other SJWs grabed us and held us back. But Contraband and H Bonger Guy looked disapointed. Condopants pulled a sord out of the cofin.  
"Wheres the boddy?" said HomerGuy. Suddenly i started glowing and a cross symble appeared above me. The sword started shaking and flyed out of Condopints hand. I grabed it and hit the SJWs holding me with it. I heard Gods voice in my hed. 

“This divine sword can onely be used by those who are worthy, those who possess my Crust." He said. I didn't know what he was tolkien about but I knew the sword was powerfull. So I used the sord to defeet the two SJWs. Then the Knites of Jesus and the cops showed up and arrested the Auntifa members in handcuffs. Most of the WSJs including Congapants were trans so they couldnt put them in the mans prison or the woman prison so they made a trans prison for them.

The next day Lintart talked to me after class.  
"Profesor, I noticed a crast appered above you during the battle. I've never seen a crets that looked like that" he said.  
“Whats a cyst?” i said.  
“Its a thing that people who are desended from impotent people have. For example I have the crest of Ben Frenklin, Eggogard has the Angerham Linkin. Dimension has the crust of Gorge Walkingon. Clad has the cost of Ramble Raygun.”  
So we broke into Happyman's room when he was on an eren. There was a toole that scans you for a cyst. It showed that I have the breast of… JEESUS!!!!!!!

TO BE CONTITTY


	9. SYLVANS BROTHER JOINS ICIS

I went and tolled everyone that I am descended from Jesus.  
"Wow thats awesom" everyone said.  
"I know right?" I sad. Then me and Dorathia went on a double date with Hupert and Eagleyard. We were gonna go to Kick-Fil-A but Epicguard said shes allergic to chickon. So we went fishing together instead. Setith and Flan were there too.

"I hope you guys havent been having sax before marage" said Seedeth.  
"Dont worry. We christens don't do that" I said.  
We caut a lotta fish and gave some of them to Flan.

The next day the Pop and Sedith called me down.  
"Iris terrists have been sneeking into America. We tracked down their fortress. Their leeter is Sultans brother McLan." said Setter.  
“Whys Milkman a terrist? Hes wite!” I axed  
“Salivan has the crust of Hairy Trueman (hes the guy who dropped a nook on Aisa and killed Mousey Dong and ended world whore 2) but his brother Mulan didnt get a cast and he got jellus and moved to the Midal Eats to join Isus to get revenge on America and capitolism and consertives” said Saddeath

So me and the Blow Lions went to the Isis forretress. There were lotsa radical mulan terraces there. We ran in and attacked them. They started shotting us with rocket lunches and guns but we took them out with are guns. Saltine started running strait for Milkman.  
"Hello brother" said Milton. He was wearing an isis uniform and had a nuke launcher. Then he shat Solvin with a mini nuke! Fortnitely he had a vulnerability (that's like a heeling potion) and he drinked it and got better.

“He's too strong! His nook launcher is a relic like your sord of God! Oney you can defeet him!” said Sylveon. So i runned at Miltank and he shot some nooks but I deflected them. Then i stabed him. But before he dead he stated chanting in Islamic and turnd into a demin! Then he sucked all the isis minions soles out to become stronger! But the sword of god is strong against semons so i decaffinated him. We took the magic nuke launcher back to Washiton and put it in a secrete arsenal in the Pentagram.

We got back to Prager U and Sadeth sadly showed up. He was sad.  
“Flynn has gone missing!” he said.  
“Oh no!” said everyone.

TO BE CONTAMMINATED


	10. HOO KIDNAPED FLAN?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter has a disturbing scene where a gay guy tires to rap Bileth. If your an easily tiggered librul or think stuf like that is gross you have been worned.

The Pope prayed to make a big forsfield around the Vactican and Paper U. That way the kidnaper couldnt escape. Everyone searched the school for Flake. I teamed up with one of the other professors named Jerkpizza. Hes a mysterios guy who wears a mask.  
"Theres a lot of cool stuff in my room so she might be checking it out. We should check there." he said. We went into his room and it turd out he was right!  
"Hey you were right!" I said. But the "cool stuff" was a bunch of wepons and she was unconshus! I prayed to god to heal her. "Kids shouldnt play with wepins like this" I said. Then Joe Pizza locked the dore!  
“I kindapped Flan! I took some of her holey blood to use in experiments!" said Jerzita.  
“Oh no!” I said. “Are you gonna take my blood too?”  
“Worse” he sad. Then he pulled down his pants revealing that he had GAY PRIDE RAINBOW UNDERWARE!!!!  
“IM GONNA REAP YOU!!!!” he said. “AND THEN YULE TURN GAY BECAUSE WHEN GAY PEPLE RAP A STRATE PERSON THEY TURN GAY LIKE WHEN UMPIRES AND ZOMBIES BITE YOU!!!”  
“NOOOOOOOOO” i screamed. I kicked him into the wall but it activated a secret escape route and the part of the wall spinned around like a revolver door and he disapeared.

I unlocked the door and ran to Poop Rhia's room.  
“JUPITER IS A GAY RAPPIST AND HE KIDNAP FLAME AND TRIDE TO RAP ME!” i yelled.  
“Ono! I trusted him!” she said.  
We rescude Flep frum Joe Pizza’s room. Fortnitely he didn't rape her cause he does'nt like women. But he had escaped to a dungen under the church. So me and the Golden Dear went down into there.

When we got their there was a lot of gays halving sex in their. I recongized a couple of students who had been expelled when they tested everyone for homesexuality. Yurey and Ballthus were having gay sex and Contance and Happy were having lesiban sex.  
“Whalecum to the Abiss, the secret sax dungan” said Jerkpizza. He was wearing lether BMDS armor and riding a hearse. He had a big scythe like the grime ripper.  
All the gay people took 3DSM devises to attack us with. Clod and Ignuts shat at them and Raffiel beet them up. Lorenz and Lionie shot a lotta them too. Merryan healed a few gays and turnd them strate. Hidla shat them with a shitgun and then Lishitea knocked out Jerkpizza in one hit using the divine magic of Gad. But before we could finish him of, some people wearing black robs teleported in. They knocked everyone away with magic and teleported away with Juryza. 

All the gays in Abcess were sent to converson therapy. The sex dungeon got converted into a bunker to protect us if we get nuked by Isis. We found out that all the gays there had been turned gay by Jerkpizza and he was able to mind control the gays that he has sex with because they have his magic seamen in them.

BOOTY CONTINUED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wrote this chapter before the Cinderd Shadows DLC came out and it has a gay sex dungeon under the Varican. And the DLC has a dungeon under the monsatery with gay characters like Yury! I PREDICKED IT!!!! I edited the chapter to put the Ashen Wolfs and Abiss in it.


	11. THE ILLOGICAL IMIGRINTS

Since Jupiter had been fried we neaded a new staff member to fill in. So we put up a "help wanted" sine. Unfortnitely libral properpanda had made no one want to work at Pegger U. The leftists made YouTub Poops of our videos to make us only talk about urin and feces. So we had to hire the only persian who showed up, and it was a kid name Ceril. He was a Mexacan so he was either gonna be a leagle ingrate or an illegible integrate.  
"Holla! Soy Cereal!" he sad.  
"What did you say?" I asked.  
"Kay?" he said.  
"ENGLISH MOTHERFRICKER DO YOU SPEEK IT?" i yelled like Morgon Freeman in Poop Friction.  
"No comprehendo" said Cereal. Then Petrol showed up.  
"I dont think he speaks Englesh" said Peta. So she spoke to him in Sansish.  
"Dante esta la bible of techno?" she said  
"Pandahoe putin merida" he said. I recognized that as stuff that the illogical images at my high school said when I asked if they came here legally.  
"He crossed the border illegally" said Potra. So we called IKE to take him away. They found out he was from a town in Mensaco called the Domination Republican (I think its called that caus they want to dominate Ripublicans and take our jobs). They sended him all the way to Metaco. Then suddanly Penta got a foam call.  
"Its my family. They are liberals so i legally went to Amaraca to escape them. But they said they crossed the border and their cumming to take me back to Mikasa" she said.  
"Ono!" i said. Then we runned to the entrance of Pogger U and Petrol's family was there.

"Low histamines, we did it!" they said. I understood that part cause I watched Dora when I was little so I new that they were talking about how they had seceded in crosing the border.  
"Coma estoss? For lease navy dad!" sad Pitra.  
"Despasito dummy to cosita" said the immature integrates. Potra kept tocking to them in Spinac to stall them. So I called IKE again and they sent them back to Metaco.

"Grassy ass" said Petrock. Then she took me and the other Back Eagles to Talk of Bell to eat takis.

TO THE CONDITIONED


	12. THE BIG ERECTION

One day i was teaching hickory to the Blue Loins.  
“And that's how we beat the Soviet Onion in the Coal War and now they are cald Rusha again and their no longar calmunist.” I said  
Then Dimetro asked to talk to me after class.  
"Professer there's an impotent part of hystery that is left out of the hysteria books. Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Discord?"” said Dumbitchri  
“No” i said  
“My dad was named Dusker and he was a concertative polatician. A couple years ago he found out about Hitlery Clipon’s three thousand females before the rest of the world found out. The emails told Georgesaurus and Berny Sandals and the Deep Stank to train the Flame Enterer to become the most powerful collumnist of them all, and then he will enter the 2024 erection, which is going on right now, and make Amercia a combonist dicktatership. Emblemgard is trying to becum president so that the Fume Umpire wont be erected.” said Demeter.  
“But the Foam Impeder isn't in any debates or ballets or anything?” i said  
“That's cause he's an altar eggo of one of the democat candidants. We don't know who he rely is.” said Dimetri  
“So tell me more about the Travesty of Duskull” i say  
“After my father discovered this he tried to leak the informaton to the pubic. But the limberals assassinated both my parrots.” said Diminty.  
“Omg that succs.” i said.

Later we went to one of Eddiegard's predential rallies. Me, Dometry, and Doodoo were there together wen suddenly some linterals shoed up.  
“Look at this guy! Hes an ankle tim!” they pointed at Dido.  
“Why would a black person be a Repelican? Conservatits are racist!” they said.  
“Who's really rasist here, me or the whit people harrising a block man?” said Dadue. The libruls were tiggered so hard they had hard attacks.

After the rally me and the house leaders got together to make a plane on how to win the erection.  
“We can't win against the librals easily. They rigged the cistem. We need to destroy them with fax and logic.” I said.  
“I have an idea. We get some of our people to run in the demoncratic debates and win by sounding as stooped and libtarded as possible. The literals will vote for us instead of the reel libral candidets.” said Ablegourd.  
"Its perfect!" we all said.  
"Butt weight, isn't that illeagle?" said Dimeaty  
"The literals are conspiring agenst us, so we can cumspire against them." said Edgeguard.

So we got all the Blank Eagles to enter the electron as democratic candates. Me and the house leaders and the Prague U staff didn't enter because people no who they are and they'd figger us out. They entered a debat against the reel librul polpoticians.  
“I am Fergienand from Ireland” said Freddyband on Aegis.  
“Hi I'm Birdie Centers” said Boring Standards.  
“I'm also Burny” said Bendaditta. They kicked Brownie Sandler out of the race because having too Barneys was confusing and Bunnicula was cuter than him.  
“Ok Burmy but will you give rites to all 1000 genders? Cause i will” said Pet Butterfly.  
“I will give rights to 10000 granders!” said Linfart. So they kicked Peet Buttsex out of the electron for not supporting the 9000 other gengars.  
“I'm gonna make weed legal cause drugs are cool!” said Capbar.  
"I have harry legs" said Joe Bidet.

Soon all the real dumbocrats were falling behind in the poles and everyone was voting for us. When they finally announced the winner it was Fergalicious for Hire!  
“I am Fenderbend von Genderbend!” he said. He had pretended to be trans to gain diversity points from the luberals and that's why so many people voated for him. They care more about dovercity than incelligence.  
Then they announced that Eddieward was the ripuplican candidate. She and Ferbinand of Wire had a debat and she won cause Freddiehand can only say his name. Then on Erection Day, Adelegrid won by a landscape!

TO BE CONDENSED


	13. THE ZOMBIE ALPACA LIPS

"Boyleth, my bi, I have good news!" said my dad. "I've converted back to Crispyanity!"  
"That's great!" I said and I huged him. Suddenly the gatkeeper runned in.  
“Greetings profesor, something to report! There's a zombie apocalisp going on in Chartlotesvillel!” he said  
“Oh no!” me and my dad said. So we runned to get the Knights of Jesus and got in a hellcopter. The studants were studying for exams so we didn't bother them. We went with Alose and Grilldirt and Catheter and Shamer and Seth. Hanuman and Mandela came too because we needed a lot of peeple and their holey magic is supper effective against zompies (Hempmans magic is actually holly even though he says its sience. Hes just a dumb atheist who doesnt belief in god).

When we got to Charcoalvile there were lots of zomby Cival War people marching around. There were Onion soldiers and Confessionate soldiers holding the Confederate flag.  
“Ono! The rasist concertatives are at it again!” said a random librul in town.  
“First they win the election now this!”  
“Eddiegard is such a fashionist!"  
Then I saw that a bunch of people in black robs. They were casting dank magac and creating zomboys. I pointed at them and said “those guys are behind this!”  
“They're binging back the zambies to make peple think they're rasist cause oft he flag” said my dad.  
“But if we defeet them we can stop the zumbas” sayd Catrin  
“Rememer that zondies die if you destroy there bran” said Hankieman

So we started fighting the zambonis to get thru to the dork wizards. I beeheaded some zombis with the Sord of God. My dad shat them in the head with his haunting rifle. Hammyman stroked them with lightning and Manilla cast holly magic to kill them. Lois shot them with a shitgun and Gogurt got in a tank and runned them over (cause hes an armor unit and hes tanky). Caffeine use her own divine sword Underpants to decaffinate them and Shazam snapped the zambonis with her snipper rifle. But even thou we killed a lotta zombas they kept coming. We had to defeet the necromencers.

Me and my dad runned to the necrophiles but suddenly JERKPIZZA SHOWED UP! he had lether 3DSM armer and was riding a guy sax slave like a hoarse.  
“Boyleth, cum to dadey” he said. He blew me a kiss and i did a backbend to doge it like that part of Naroto where Soccera dodges Rockly’s kiss.  
“NEVER! I AM STRAIT!!!” I yelled.  
“And he alreddy has a dad” said my dad. He shot Youritsa but it bounced off his armer. Then he slashed at dad with his syth and knocked him out.  
“I am no longer Jerkpizza. Now they call me the Deaf Night” he said.  
“Dozen't mater! I’m gonna kill you!” i said. I tried to stab him with my sword but his gimp suit was so thicc that it didnt go thru. So I pulled out my pistil and shot him but the ballets bounced off to! Then I realize I could just shoot the gay goy he was riding! So i shat the sax slave and the Dark Knight fell off and brock a bunk of his bone. s.  
“Ow” he said. Alouse and Gilgamesh took him away to the hellocopter to be sent back to the Vacation to be executed.

Then me and Catrina and Shalom and and Seth and Hummingman and Mandela and dad went to fight the dank mages.  
“Who are you?” said Sexeth to the liter of the mangas. Then he pulled off his hood, revealing that he was actually HILARITY CLINTIN!

TOE CAN’T BE IN YOU!


	14. THE LEFT WANG CONSPIRACY EXPOSED!

"Mwa ha ha!" laughed Helary Crouton.  
"Hellery!? I thot you commited sewerside back when Trupp got reelected in 2020!" said Seth  
"That was fake news I spread to continue my evil plans undetected" said Hilarity, "And guess who else didn't commit soupyslide!" One of the other evil wartlocks revealed his face. It was JEFREY EPICSTEIN, the podophile who had a child prosecution island!  
"The Clintans' agents busted me out" Epstan laughed, "Pizzagate and Quanon were reel too. Also while were at it vaxeens cause autisum and climat change is a librul scam!"  
"And we, the DEEP STANK are gonna going to get the Flake Emporium in office once Amplegard 'kils herself with two gunshots in the back of the hed' if you know what I mean" said another of the wizards, who seemed to be the leeder. If these are the Depp State, then the leader must be Georgesaurus, the gazillionair who funds Aunt Tifa and Ices. He wants to rool the world and make everyone a librul under one comumist governmint!  
"Why are you telling us your plans?" i said  
"Because you will all DYE!" said Hitlery. 

All the wizards started chanting to cast a spell to kill all of us. We were all realy scarred. We were about to join the Clintin body count! We all started praying that someone would save us. Even Hammerman was preying in his finale moments. But before the spell could be cast, Hickory got ROUND HOUSE KICKED out of nowhere! God had sent CHUNK NORRIS to saev us!!! The sheer force of the kick caused a sanic boom that sent all the other wizrads flying. Their concentration was broken and the spell failed. 

Then Alix Jones showed up holding a video camera. He had been recording the hole thing. Hilarity got back up and sumoned a giant demin to kill us all. The deman was rainbow colored and had a massive penus to reap them with to turn them gay. But suddenly it got striked with lightning and died. Miek Pants had arived and he used his anti gay litening to kill it! And Trup was with him! Tromp shot Epsten in the crotch and he fell to the ground crying.  
"Tromp! I've weighted 8 years for this battle. CUM AT ME!" shrieked Hilarity.  
"She's gone insane after I beet her in the electron. You guys get out of here. We'll handle this." said Tump as he started glowing. His golden hare started sticking up and getting spicy. He yelled as he charged up with power. Tramp was going super saying.

Me and the knights got in the helicoper to get back to Pegger U. We were preying that the good guys would win. The future of Amercia, the future of the WORLD rested on them.

We were all worry about what will happen in the battle between the deer state and the concertives. The deep stink was really powerful and there were only a couple conservatives. We were so stressed that the adults drank sum bear they found to calm down. Setith didn't cause he doesn't drank and Handyman was bussy flying the helicopter. I didn't drunk cause i'm a miner. When we landed in Washingtan we got out with the Debt Knight in handcuffs. We threw the Dab Knight into prism and put him on death row. Idolgard scheduled his pubic execution for January 21 2025, the day right after she gets sweared into offise.

We all checked the news as soon as possible to see what had happened. We watched it on InfoWars cause Ale Jones recorded it all.  
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have sucesfully EXPOSED pissgate and the deep strep and the Epstain stuff ONCE AND FOR ALL.” he said. He showed the video of the battle. It was the most epic battle of all time. I can't even discribe it because nothing I could write would do it justice. But it was cut short when the Flan Emperor showed up with a hummer and sickol (cause he's a collimnist) and and he knoked the concernatives away from the others with one swing of his hamer, and then all of the bad guys telepathed away, except Epsteen who had died from being shot in the bals. I saw one of the deep stats faces and it turd out he WAS Georgesaurus.  
“Oh no! They got away!” everyone said.  
“Dont worry. When i become precedant i will wipe out the derp steak.” said Ablegard.  
“And soon I will kill the Fume Enterer so hard he dies” said Dammitri. "Not just kill, but MURDER."

TO SEE THE TIN FEUD


	15. THE CRUSTMAS SPECIAL

It was Crustmas and everyone in Pogger U was celebrating (except Ingots and Raffle who are Juwish and celebrate Honoka, and Haneman who is athest). There was a giant Kissmas tree in the dinning hall with a lot of ointments on it. Everyone got presents from their loved ones under it. I got an early copy of the new Jeses Freaks album from Dorothy and my dad gave me the Ploystation 5.

Then the Poap gave a Cystmas sermon.  
"The libruls need to stop censoring Crassmass and making us say Holedays instead. Like theres other religons like Juice and Mulans and Boodists and Aheists and Morons and Jenova's Witnesses but no one gets offended when you say happy Honoka or happy Mulsim holiday. Libborls clam to be against appression but they're a pressing christans and restricting freedum of religion and speak! Such hippocrazy!" she said. Everyone agreed with her wise worms and aplodded.

Then there was a big partey. Everyone danced together. Clod winked at me with his butiful eyes and held out his hand to me, and we danced together in a VERY STRATE WAY. Dancing togehter doesnt make us gay, cause WE ARE BOTH STRATE NO MATER WHAT YOU DUMB LIBRUL SHIPPERS SAY

That night after the party was over I went outside and saw Demeter. He looked sad.  
"Whats wrong?" I asked him  
“The Fang Embalmer runed my life. He killed my parrots and now hes trying to kill Edgeguard and destroy the country.” said Dimetry  
“Dont worry. We'll stop him” I said.  
“As long as i get to kill him.” said Dementi.

Suddenly there was a flash of light outside Prankster U. I recognized it as the sound of dark wizerds teleporting! We followed it and saw the Flam Empoleon and Georgesaurus! We evedropped on them.  
"Curse that Alex Joes! He revealed my ties to the Deep Stat to the world! Now I'm in hiding and I dont have access to my munny! I cant fund Anita or ICIS anymore and they're both on the virge of defeat!" said Georgesaurus. He looked really old, even older than usual cause hes 94 now. He looked like Palestine from Store Wars.  
"It will all be fine. It wont be long before I become president. The plan is working and no one has figured it out yet. Once Im in orifice I will pardon you, and make you the national tresurer.” the Frank Emperor. Saurus laughed evily.  
“But weight, didnt we rig the electrode to stop him from becoming precedent?” whisperd Dentrimi  
“We did!” i said. Then they noticed us and they teleported away. We went back to sleep (NOT TOGETHER CAUSE WERE NOT GAY).

The next day was boxing day so we went to the traning grounds and watched a boxing match between Casper and Ruffael. Then we told Amplegard about what we saw last night.  
"The collumnists have a plan to stop you from geting into office!" I said, "They might be trying to assessinate you and Huber or put you in a peech!"  
"I'm aware of their plan and soon I'll be able to expose it, along with the Flab Emperors identity." said Idolgard.  
"Ok thank God" said me and Demetry.

A few days later me and dad got a mishonh from Pop Reha.  
"When Epsteen died they found a note in his pocket with a map leading to an island in the Care of Beans ocean. Its probably where his child sax sleves are. You have to go rescue them." she said and she handed us the map.  
So me and dad got on a bote and sailed away.  
"If I ever dye, go to my room and read my jornal. It's realy impotent." said dad.  
"K" I said.

TUBE ECONOMY!


	16. THE DEEP STEAKS TRAP!

On our way to Epstain's island in the Carabean we ran into some Pirates of the Caring Being.  
"Yo hoe hoe, we've cum to steel your gold!" said the pierat captan.  
"No you ain't" i said. I took out my glonk and shat a hole in the bottom of their ship.  
"Arrrrrr" said the pyrites as they drowneded.

Then we got to the iland. The chidlren were wating for us and we got them onto the boat. They were so glad that we had saved them from the pedofiles. We told the kids to wait there while we investigate the siland. There could be impotent govermint secretes that the Deep Stat were hidding from us. Of course it could be a trap so me and dad were en garde at all time. We found a tempal with an alter where they must have sacraficed childrin to Saten. Suddenly GEORGESAURUS AND HILARITY CROUTON TELAPORTED RITE INTO THE TEMPLE!  
"You fell for our tarp! Now you will dye!" said Hellary. A portal to Hell opened and a bunch of demans came out. I cast holey magic to exercise the demons. But it was a destraction! Saurus and Healery were running away!   
"They're going after the kids!" said Gerald. We started chasing them and I sped dialed the militerry for backup but they might not come on time. When we got to the beech I wiped them with the sword of god and they fell down. Suddenly the FLAME EMPORIUM TELEPORNED IN! 

"You dastards! Why are you traficking kids!" I said  
"Appstein's chilled prosecution ring is his own sick bisness. We just used it so that we could sacrifice the kids that the pedos thot were too ugley cause their blood can be used in stanic rituals. As for me, I disapprove of Einstein's methids but the rituals made me extremely powerfilled." said the Fume Umpire.  
"Dude! That's messed up!" I said.  
"All us deep stat wizerds used the blud rituals to make ourselfs stronger. And thanks to the Stanic rituals I can do THIS!" said Gorgesaurus. He used a dank magic spell to transform into a giant TEA REX!  
"So that's why his names Saurus." said dad. 

I runned up to the Georgesaurus. He tried to bite me with his deadly jahs but I dodged. I tried to cut through his leg but the wound healed insanely.  
"Oh no! Hes immoral!" I prayed to God for a sign on how to beat him.  
"The dinosore body heals from any damage but its not his real body. The real body is in the dinasore's brain! If you can attack him in the dino body the real body will be defeated. It's just like A Tack on Titan." said God.  
So I took my sword and extended it to grab his neck and pulled myself up (like the up special in Smush Bros). Then I started slashing the back of the tee rex's head and Saurus's real body popped out. The dino body disappeared and we started falling. I landed safely but he got nocked out.

Meanwhile dad was fighting the Flab Emperor. He was duel welding a big hamer and sickle. Dad was fighting with his lance but he couldnt keep up with the Flame Anteater cause he had more weapons than him. I tried to go to help him but Hilarity tackled me.   
"You have the Crust of Jesis dont you? Well I have the Crast of SATIN!" she sed.  
"You're the Antchrist?"  
“Oboma was supposed to be the Antichris but he was a failure and couldn't turn Amrica fully collumnist even when he was in orifice for 8 years so we took his cast and transferred half of it to me and halve of it to the Fame Emboar. Both of us have miner crests of Stan.” she said. While she was talking I charged up a holey spell and nocked her out with it.  
But I was too late. The Flame Empire had mortally wounded dad with his sicko.

"DAD! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed. I shooted some bullets at the Flayn Emperor but he telepathed away. I tried to heal dad with divine magic but it was too late. He was dad. All the kids started crying when they saw what happened. I was relly sad too but I didn't show it cause mans shouldnt cry. (Being a men sucks sometimes but its better than being a trans).

Then suddenly another portal to hell opened and STAN HIMSELF came out and picked up Hilly and Georgesaur.  
"You've failed me for the last time. I'm gonna take my Crust out of you Hickory, and then I'll give it to the Flank Injurer. Then he'll have a major crast and become the TRUE ANTICRUST! Now Im gonna throw you both in Tartarsauce, my personal prism!" said Stan. He dragged them both into Hall.

The militerry arrived and brought all the kids home. Then the next day was dads funeral. Everyone in Paper U came. It was really sad. Clod cheered me up by huging me (IN A STRATE WAY NOT A GAY WAY!!!!)

TO BECOME CANOE!


End file.
